What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
