You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
