I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
