just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
