i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
zippers are such a cool invention
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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