he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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