dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
