How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
