my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My cat gives me a boner
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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