first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
