I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
