What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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