why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
