capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There r osticjed everywhere
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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