It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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