No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
