I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
