Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize