hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
try to milk me bitch
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize