I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
