You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You took a bar mat shot.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize