Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
