Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You don't make any sense
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