To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize