hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
