is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
