Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
