bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
