My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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