So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
