How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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