So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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