Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Randomize
