you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
