I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
