I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
