I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
