I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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