My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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