It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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