I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
