Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
