well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize