So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize