if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
