last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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