I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
