My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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