Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
