Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize