The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
