Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
