8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this just has baby written all over it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
