You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
