Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His nipple licking is glorious
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