i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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