there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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