so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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