turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
