I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
