You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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