I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
