and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
