oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
