Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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