I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
