i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
a search helicopter?!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
