Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
