i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he shaved USA in his pubs
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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