Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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