They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
