I just cut my nipple shaving
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize