I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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