Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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